[ChatGPT Prompt]
Given this post by a friend on facebook, write a humorous two minute stand up routine based on the post: [His post "(My non meat eating friends may want to delete this post because ..." (balance elided)]
[ChatGPT 3.5 Response]
Hey everyone, how's it going tonight? I gotta say, I love a good steak. I spend hours in the grocery store just trying to find the perfect cut. It's like searching for a needle in a haystack, but instead of a needle, it's a juicy piece of meat.
And let's be real, my non-meat eating friends might want to delete this post because I'm talking about MEAT haha. But for us carnivores out there, finding the perfect steak is like a treasure hunt.
I mean, I'm not picky about the type of meat, it could be an organic sirloin, a ribeye, or even a flank steak. But let's be real, who in their right mind would buy a round steak? It's like eating a shoe sole.
And don't even get me started on the tenderloin. It's usually overpriced and honestly, it's not even that tender. Give me a nice fat cap on a sirloin any day.
Now, if you're like me and love a good stir fry, you know the secret to tender beef is velvetting. That's right, it's an ancient Chinese secret technique that I learned from all the Chinese restaurants out there. And let me tell you, it makes all the difference.
But, when I'm really in the mood for a meaty treat, I head over to my local grocery store and air fry a beef rib. I don't know why they always have them, but I'm not complaining.
And if I'm feeling fancy and want to splurge, I'll head over to the St. Lawrence Market. But let's be real, it's like playing a different game altogether. The quality and selection are out of this world, but it's waay expensive as heck.
So, in conclusion, if you see me in the grocery store, don't mind me. I'm just on the hunt for the perfect piece of meat. And for all my non-meat eating friends out there, sorry not sorry, I just can't resist a good steak.
[ChatGPT-4 response after tweaking and in the style of Demetri Martin]
Alright folks, I have this friend on Facebook, right? He's always posting about steak. I mean, this guy's more committed to steak than most people are to their Netflix subscriptions.
You see, for him, finding the perfect steak isn't just shopping, it's an adventure. It's like an episode of Indiana Jones, but instead of searching for the lost Ark, he's rummaging through the meat section for that elusive piece of well-marbled ribeye.
And, he's so picky about the cuts. He's like, "Sometimes it's sirloin, sometimes it's flank, never round, too little fat." You know, he talks about cuts of beef the way a sommelier talks about wine. "Mmm yes, this steak has notes of grass, a hint of grain, and a robust finish of...cow."
He's got a thing against tenderloin, says it's overpriced. But hey, what if the tenderloin identifies as a ribeye? It's 2023, we're all about beef fluidity now!
When it comes to stir fries, he just buys the cheapest beef he can find. Because, you know, when you're slathering it in soy sauce and tossing it around in a hot wok, who cares if it came from a cow or a raccoon, right?
And he loves his air fryer, by the way. Which is basically a hairdryer for food. He goes, "I might air fry a beef rib." So fancy, right? Like he's on a cooking show. "And for the grand finale, I'll put this chunk of meat in a small, noisy oven and blast it with hot air until it's dry enough to be a doormat. Bon appétit!"
Oh, and let's not forget the St. Lawrence Market. He's like a kid in a candy store there. Except instead of candy, it's slabs of meat, and instead of a kid, he's a grown man salivating over a piece of dead animal.
But he says it's "waay expensive as heck." Yeah, because that's what you want to hear from a guy who measures his life's happiness by the thickness of his steak.
In the end, his post always ends with "haha." I'm not sure if it's because he realizes how ridiculous he sounds, or if it's the sound he imagines the cow making when he finally cooks the perfect steak. Haha!
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